Interviewer – Phill Bruce
Interview Date – 18th September 2011
The main droid CyberWallE
In my line of work you get to meet some iconic famous people, but once in a lifetime you get to meet a legend. The legend I get to meet in my lifetime is CyberWallE. Since arriving here on earth after his early construction and programming he has rose to super stardom recently winning himself the Oscar for best droid in the video for EXT!ZE’s Headquake video. So here’s how the interview went.
Phill – I’m still in shock that such a legend as you CyberWallE would give myself and Grave Concerns Ezine this interview. First, may I ask you in what galaxy and what planet were you created on?
CyberWallE – You´re welcome, Phill, it´s a pleasure to meet you, Humanbeeing, Hu. I´m a bit astonished about your first question, I thought it´s obvious, that I was built on earth? To cleanup the mess you guys left there? That’s also the meaning of my name, dude, “Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class"
Phill – I have heard in your early days you made some XXX rated films with some of the porn industries greats such as Ron Jeremy, Taylor Wayne, Linda Lovelace, Candy Samples, Long Dong Silver, etc. What were these early days like and do you think this helped bolster your career to the iconic heights of today?
CyberWallE – Hum, ah… well, to get famous is hard work and the start of any career is rough. I had to do certain ugly things to get along and survive, buying batteries and stuff… and in the beginning I always had the bad guy-roles to play… not funny… anyway, that surely helped me to get professional and I learned a lot, especially from Linda & Long! Thanks for that b.t.w., but now, let´s talk about something more enjoyable?
CyberWallE and his keeper Chris Fear
Phill – Well, all right, CW. Your first award was the AVN award in the category of Best All Sex Release of the video game porn parody ‘Gears Of Porn’, in which you played the role of Droidus Phoenix. How did it feel getting your first award?
CyberWallE – Ou, as I said something more enjoyable, I didn´t mean that, dude. 10 Points to you, Phill… but indeed, that was funny. Today, when I´m in bad mood, I just get out the Droidus Phoenix-costume and bother my neighbours, hahaha. So, as this release was just fun, I really was happy to get the award at that time. We had a big and nude party that night.
Phill – You went through a rough period in life with you started to abuse batteries, your low point was when you were on 10 ‘AA’ Batteries a day. How did you cope and make it through rehab?
CyberWallE – Yeah, this was really my bad time, Phill. After getting the AVN-Award, nobody wanted me for serious acting. I get depresses, and so I ended up on batteries. And not only AA´s, in the end there was also e-blocks and I ended up on old screwball- and dancing-films. Well, at that point I met my friend, the cockroach Hal, and he helped me out of that by giving Zen-lessons and Buddha-meditation.
CyberWallE and Cybergirl
Phill – After you went through that bad period you became an ambassador for solar power. And are now the patron of the ‘No To Batteries Yes To Solar’ charity which help wayward droids away from batteries onto clean solar energy. You did a charity bought against Chuck Norris and beat him, how does it feel to be the only entity in eternity to beat Chuck Norris?
CyberWallE – Well, Chuck and I became friends after that, as I didn´t beat him physical, huh? So it´s always one of my favourite party-jokes to say: “I beated Chuck…. – mentally!”
Phill – Before getting back to Earth you worked at the Canteena that was made famous in the movie Star Wars, can you tell me does the resident band at the Canteena play any other music than the music played in Star Wars?
CyberWallE – Yeah, another dark period of my life… working at Chalmun´s Cantina and listening all day long to this boring easy-listening-retro-electro-jazz made by “Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes”… Awful… boring… Chalmun admits that the lively tunes would help discourage violence in the bar. As for me, they deranged me… and they never played anything else.
Phill – Your relationship with your long term partner CyberEVA has been turbulent especially when you had an affair with the Borg-Queen. But I have to ask a question that is on the lips of most of our male readers, what is the Borg-Queen like in bed?
CyberWallE & Friends meet to discuss & prepare the Ext!Ze-video "Headquake"
CyberWallE – Affair? Not really… Well, she was a bit disturbed, all that psychomaniac talking about the meaning of flesh and all that bio-implant-stuff, totally boring. Have you ever had sex with an upper torso hung up on wires, Phill? Not easy to find the right parts, dude, and sort out, what is she and what is Borg. And I never figured out, if she has had the orgasm, or Borg… She really got on my nerves with all that phone calls after our onenightstand. So I changed my cell-number and never dated her again. CyberEVA paid me back that, as she had an affair with HAL 9000, “the most reliable computer ever made”, hahaha. After that, we talked a lot and stated, that we´ll stay friends. That works until today. And b.t.w., we send HAL´s IP to the Borg-Queen… hahaha.
Phill – You have done many jobs, one that you are most known for is a mechanic as you were seen in the first Back To The Future film fixing the De Lorean when it broke part way through a jump. I have to ask apart from being the legend that you are now what has been your favourite job been?
CyberWallE – The De Lorean, huh? My first serious job ever, thanks to Doc Brown! Well, it was a nice time with this confused genius. He suggested me to the team, I think, he liked me. But more than that I really enjoyed working with Mr. Schwarzenegger in the “Terminator”-Films, when I was light-double for the T 800. It was me first saying “Hasta la vista, baby!”… This was much fun, good catering and many Droids to talk with at the set… a big electric family
Phill – Your recent appearance in the EXT!ZE video for Headquake got you the Oscar for Best Droid, how did this feel and how much did you bribe the judges in the end?
CyberWallE – Yeah, I´m really glad and deeply thankful for that! It was much fund working with the Ext!Ze-guys, the film crew and the girls. Many thanks to Caro, the girl at the bar and Bambi, my devotee.
And, Phill, it wasn´t necessary to bribe the judges as there was no real competition anyway. Besides me there was only nominated ED 209 for this lame OCP-merch-vid and “Blocks”, the stupid robot from Beastie Boys “Intergalactic”-video.
Phill – You obviously like a beer or two but what is your favourite tipple?
CyberWallE – Beer? Who told you thats shit, man? I never drink anything, remember, this would harm my electronic-bowels… I´m still addicted to photons and electrons, huh?
CyberWallE with his keeper Chris Fear and a fan
Phill – I noticed you played a bit part on the film Mad Max, are there any other films in which you have played bit parts or cameo roles?
CyberWallE – Well, there are some, mentioning first “Bladerunner”, you remember J.F. Sebastians apartment? All the stuff on the tables he called “his friends”? I was one of them. And CyberEVA played the picture-analyser Rick Deckard uses. Beyond that there are some little appearances in “Robocop”, “Mark IV” and “Lost in Space”. And well, I consulted Nova Robotics for the design of Johnny 5 and his bros in “Short Circuit”.
Phill – So what was it like working with your partner CyberEVA? I notice you did a follow up to the Star Trek film A Search For Spock which was entitled A Search For CyberEVA, did you have any bust up whilst working with her on that film?
CyberWallE – Right, Phill, but it this project is not released yet, there is many trouble between Disney Films and Leonard Nimoy about that, maybe the lawyers sort that out someday… Well, working with EVA is always a pleasure. If I would say anything else, she´ll definitely will disintegrate me, hahaha.
Phill – Of all the famous actors and actresses that you have ever worked with, who have you most enjoyed working with?
CyberWallE – Well, Harrison Ford and Mel Brookes. Did I mention, that it was me playing Mr. Radar next to Mr. Coffee?
Phill – You mean “Spaceballs”, didn´t you? So what is your one true love in life?
CyberWallE – My Rubik’s Cube, it keeps my brain upright all day long…
Phill – Do you have any pets, if so what type of animal/alien are they?
CyberWallE – Besides my little friend, cockroach Hal, I cultivate Critters. Somehow, there must be some thrill in life, mustn´t it? It´s always fun to hunt them, when they escape…
Phill – What’s your favourite place in either our universe or beyond to go on holiday and what makes you return year after year?
CyberWallE – Well, Phill, I like to travel to Han Wavel or to Milliways, sure by hitchhiking and always with a towel…
CyberWallE meets his fans
Phill – How do you relax, what is your favourite hobby?
CyberWallE – Dancing with my cyber-girls & -boys in the cyber clubs on this planet! This always relaxes me before we all get dirty…
Phill – What song do you listen to whilst most intoxicated?
CyberWallE – Uh, this changes permanently and is also dependent on my mood… but one of my favourites is still “Hit me hard” by Noisuf-X.
Phill – What is your favourite band?
CyberWallE – Well, besides Ext!Ze I really like X-RX, Suono, of course Combichrist and Xotox, 100 Blumen, also as Merzbow, Clock DVA, Lustmord and a strange band from Poland called “Job Karma”.
Phill – What is the one part of your programming you hate the most?
CyberWallE – That I only can turn left! This fucks me up every day of my life, to turn 90° right I have to rotate 450° left! I relay don´t know the thoughts of my programmer while hi did that! Nice joke, asshole.
CyberWallE on his recent rock climbing expedition
Phill – Thank you so so much for giving us this interview CyberWallE, is there anything you would like to add?
CyberWallE – Yeah, I would like to thank the Ext!Ze-guys for that great job in their video, that was a lot of fun! Keep your pussies upright, boys! And I like to thank my keeper Chris Fear for modifying me, for building in that speech-I/O, that makes this interview possible, and for taking care of me. Of course a big hug to cyberloxx.de for my hairdresses.
Well, and I´m actually looking for new jobs, so if anybody needs a handsome Cyber-Robot, just let me know that at my Facebook-group CyberWallE!
Thanks again, good luck with your acting career and the future.
Well, thank you, too, Phill for all your kindness. And best luck to you and Grave Concerns Ezine.
ClubGirl’s view of CyberWallE
A club girl appeared in the video to Headquake by EXT!ZE alongside CyberWallE, it was no secret about the fling the girl and CyberWallE had. I got chance to speak with her about this affair.
Phill – Your fling with CyberWallE was no secret, how did you and CyberWallE meet?
Club girl – On that evening, I came much too early to the schwimmbadclub. And I was very bored, because I was alone. And then came this little robot guy, CyberWallE, and he was that fucking cute.
Phill – So how did CyberWallE woo you?
Club girl – He said “0100101111100010110101010000” and it was that funny, I couldn’t resist;)
Phill – And what kind of lover is CyberWallE?
Club girl – He is fucking awesome XD
Clubgirl being wooed by CyberWallE
Phill – You came to blows with CyberEVA over your fling with CyberWallE, how did you and CyberWallE cope with this?
Club girl – Oh, you didn’t understand. It was only a one-night-stand. He’s not my type, he’s too smallL
Phill – What were the reasons that you and CyberWallE parting ways?
Club girl – You know, size matters :D
Phill – What is your fondest memory of being with CyberWallE?
Club Girl – The orgasm
Phill – If you had the chance to be with CyberWallE again would you take up that chance and what would you do different the next time around?
Club girl – Yeah, of course. I would take the machine of “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” and I’d give him the chance to grow.
Clubgirl and CyberWallE
Phill – Thank you so much for giving us incite into your relationship with CyberWallE, is there anything more you would like to tell us?
Club girl – Do you actually have an interview with the bar girl? She was fucking hot, I want her number.